


Dark Waters

by SerenaCypher



Series: Elemental [1]
Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Ambiguous Self-Harm, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrations, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Water as a Theme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29446725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerenaCypher/pseuds/SerenaCypher
Summary: He stood out there facing the ocean, now an infinite void of darkness broken up by waves colored by moonlight. Torches illuminated the lone figure standing by the water's edge, half swallowed by night.
Relationships: Alejandro Burromuerto & Noah, Alejandro Burromuerto/Noah
Series: Elemental [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2176359
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	Dark Waters

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as an attempt at writing some fun slash for a first time fan-fiction. It ended up being a deep dive into my own psychological issues using Total Drama characters, so I apologies if this comes off as wildly out of character for either of them. Please leave a comment if you think I should continue writing!

The full moon peered into the window of the boys cabin, centering it’s white light onto Noah’s face in the most direct way possible. In retrospect he’s thankful for this; but at the time this, and his bunk-mate Owen’s loud and gurgling snores, woke him up at around 2 in the morning.

He sighed irritably, knowing that he want going to be able to reclaim his sleep at a reasonable point. His only choices being either falling asleep and being immediately woken, or just staying awake in hopes of reducing his morning grogginess and for an early morning challenge. He ultimately chose the later.

With a groan, Noah pulled himself out of his sweat drenched and tangled sheets, the moonlight giving him a good view of his surroundings. Owen was lying on the bottom bunk, snoozing very well if his loud snores were any indication. Across the room, Trent and Cody slept in their bunk, unbothered by the noise. Noah rolled his eyes, turning towards the window and moving to pull it open to clear the muggy air.

‘What the-?’

His gaze was caught by a figure leaving the outhouse and heading towards the docks, their silhouette clear in the moonlight. No one should have been awake at this hour, and everyone knew that this particular outhouse was the confessional. It was never a good thing when other contestants were moving around at odd hours or in covert ways.

Noah debated internally whether it was worth investigating. On one hand, checking things out could give him an advantage in the show, seeing any secret alliances happening. However, it could just be someone taking a late night stroll, unable to go back to sleep like him.

‘Hm, well I’m not going to bed and I can’t just pretend nothing’s happening. Might as well check things out.’ Noah huffed internally, hating the fact that he had to be the proactive one.

\--------------

Creeping out of the cabin wasn’t difficult.

Owen’s snores drowned out pretty much every step he took, including a stumble he took tripping on a raised floorboard in the cheaply constructed cabin’s hallway. Noah grumbled to himself, wiggling his foot and walking out the door.

He found himself traveling to the docks, the well-tread dirt path illuminated quite nicely in the moonlight. He made sure not to be noticed by anyone out front, stepping carefully and staying in any shadows that blotted the flat landscape. His effort were reward when he came to the dock’s port, finally seeing the person who traveled out here in the dead of night.

Alejandro was standing at the edge of the docks, peering out towards that vast sea, blackened by darkness with only the occasional ripple of waves being illuminated by the moon. He was oddly still, with a brooding look on his face, like he was having an internal debate.

Noah looked around for anyone else potentially walking towards them, finding no one.

‘He doesn’t look like he’s waiting for someone.’ Noah pondered, narrowing his eyes at the handsome devil in front of him.

Alejandro’s form was dusted by light cast by both the moon and the lit torches lining the dock, though for some reason he never looked darker. His face overcast by shadows, his hair catching only the barest of highlights and his irises being the most visible part of his body. He never noticed Noah, or never gave any indication that he knew he was there, seemingly caught up in his thoughts.

‘Ugh, I walked out here to find Al staring at water. Lovely.’ Noah growled in his head, hating the teen in front of him out of misplaced spite, but not really caring at this point. He was still bitter about World Tour anyways.

Noah was about to turn away only to see Alejandro, fully clothed and with no preparation, step off the dock and sink into the water.

Noah let out a small gasp and bolted to the place Alejandro was mere seconds ago. Looking down in horror he only saw the barest of form sinking towards the bottom. Flashes of red cloth and silver metal being caught by refracted sun, twinkling like stars in the inky depths of dark ocean.

Whatever rivalry he had with the teen was thrown out the window as he desperately looked for a way to pull the evil bastard from the water. He quickly spotted a hanging rope and a rescue ring and immediately threw it towards the spot where he saw him sink, hoping that it was an accident and that Alejandro would save himself.

He watched as no hands reached for the ring, instead seeing the bubbles where Alejandro was last spotted begin to subsist. Dread welled within Noah’s stomach, fearing that he may have already lost consciousness and was going to die. Noah looked around, realizing that he couldn’t run and get help in time, and then looked down.

“You owe me one, you stupid bastard.’” he said to himself before diving down after him.

The darkness overtook his vision, but thankfully the water at this point wasn’t extremely deep. He could see Alejandro’s form rest at the bottom, having sunk down only about 5 meters, his body lying like a corpse in a casket.

‘I still have time, he’s likely not out of breath yet!’

Noah pushed his nonathletic body to it’s limits, swimming down as fast as he can to rescue the Spanish asshole he feared might die. He barely managed to push past the water attempting to float his light body to the top, and grabbed onto the other teen’s shirt collar.

Noah started pulling the limp body up, staring at his face, before being startled by Alejandro’s barely visible eyes snapping open. In mere moments, he was tossed back onto the dock, sputtering in disbelief and water inhalation. Seconds later, Alejandro surfaced from the ocean water and pulled himself onto the dock, no worse for the wear. He walked towards Noah, passively watching the smaller teen hack up the water he breathed in.

“Ack-What the FUCK was THAT!?” Noah shouted at the taller guy in front of him.

Alejandro narrowed his eyes in a glare. “You shouldn’t have come after, mi amigo.” He stressed the last word sarcastically.

Noah looked up at him incredulously. “What? Did I interrupt you taking a nap at the bottom of the OCEAN? Why did you do that!?”

Alejandro stared down at him, that distant look on his face returning. “None of your business.”

Noah immediately stood up, leveling an enraged glare at the imbecile standing in front of him. “Excuse me!? Is this some kind of scheme? Throwing yourself in the water, waiting for someone to rescue you, is that it? Are you mad!? Are you trying to kill yourse-?”

He bit off that last part upon seeing Alejandro’s eyes haze over, his bright green eyes turning grayer then he had ever seen before. Noah’s eyes widened in horror, realization striking him hard. ‘No way, no way...that’s not, Alejandro would never-’

“Ale-”

Alejandro cut him off with a weary sigh, turning his gaze back to the black waters. The waves calmly rocking against the wooden beams, causing a slight rythmatic creaking. “You should go back-”

“Absolutely not! Not after that!” Noah felt himself hyperventilating, rarely ever working himself up in such a way. Normally, he could care less if Alejandro got himself hurt, whether in a challenge or pissing off the wrong person with his flirting and schemes. But this was different, this was just plain wrong. He couldn’t think of a single contestant even coming close to what the supposedly confident and proud Alejandro just admitted to doing. Noah leveled a stare at him. “Start explaining, or I go and tell the others.”

Alejandro sighed in utter exasperated defeat. “Look, I wasn’t going to actually kill myself-”

“Bullshit!!”

“No!” Alejandro leveled a firm look at the stressed teen. “Let me explain. I...I just wanted to, well, hmm..” He trailed off, thinking of what he was actually going to say, clearly attempting to not sound crazy to Noah’s ears.

“Well?” Noah glared, waiting and tapping his damp sandal against the slightly wet dock. The rhythmic tapping of clear irritation coalesced with the sounds of waves gentility hitting the support beams of the dock.

Alejandro finally gathered his thoughts. “I wondered what it was like; to be consumed by night and sink into nothingness.”

“...what.”

Alejandro huffed a bitter laugh at that. “I suppose that still sounds insane. Perhaps I am. But is it so wrong to wonder? To desire such knowledge, cerebrito?”

Noah fidgeted, hurriedly thinking of an answer that wouldn’t send Alejandro diving off the docks again. “Not...necessarily. But! Most people don’t want to risk their lives for one of the universe’s many answers.”

“If it makes you feel better, it wasn't a genuine attempt to end my existence.” He smirked at the other male. “If it were a real attempt, I would have tied weights to myself to stop my unconscious body from floating to the surface and a potential rescue.” Alejandro finished with a shrug.

Noah looked at him, blinking in disbelief. “Are you serious? You still could have caused yourself brain damage!”

The Spaniard rolled his eyes, brushing back the wet strand of hair that flopped into his light of sight. “What does it matter that I hurt myself? Why do you care about such things?” He questioned before shaking his head. “Just go back to not caring.”

“What makes you think that it’s okay to risk your life like that! Aren’t you worried about leaving your loved ones?” Noah shouted empathically.

“No.”

The smaller teen was taken aback by such a blunt answer. “You..don’t care if people...if you hurt them?”

Alejandro barked a loud laugh that overtook the sound of the ocean. “Mis padres, mis hermanos, mi amore odiada… they would have nothing to miss. There is no love for me among any of them.” Alejandro’s words drifted down into a soft timber, sadness emanating from every syllable.

Noah was at a loss. How could he make a quip at that? How could he be his normal, sarcastic self when he just heard someone admit such personal pain to him? He found himself silent, mentally floundering for words, whether to comfort or to encourage.

The taller teen turned back to the twisting torrent of ocean waves. Barely illuminated now by the barest of reflected sun peaking out from a rapidly encasing cloud cover.

“Life has always felt like a prison of expectations. Paths you are required to take and succeed at in order to earn the favor and approval of those around you. Mi par-my parents are people of high status and grand success, and demanded that their children be just as successful. For my brothers, it was easy. By 16, Carlos was scouted by Madrid and played in the world cup numerous times. By 15, Jose was already declared my father’s successor in the political space, a gifted speaker and political savant.”

Alejandro’s hands clenched and unclenched as he steadied himself. “As for me, I’m good at most things that I try. I know several languages, several sciences, I’m a good athlete and I can even sing and play several instruments well. But that's the thing, I am merely good, while my brothers are experts, geniuses, history makers. An impossible act to follow for most, but as a Burromuerto I should have been able to do better. Instead, I failed to be anything other then a washout contestant on a mediocre reality television show. In my parents eyes, I’m an embarrassment.”

Noah took all of what was said in, mulling over the words. Finally, he spoke, “So, why do you care what they think? If they hate you, then why bother trying to appease them in some weird sacrificial suicide? They sound like a couple of narcissistic assholes anyways.”

Alejandro’s lips quirked into a slight smile. “Hm, well, like I said. It wasn’t a suicide attempt.” He turned back to the water, continuing his story. “After the World Tour finale, I was heavily injured and I was placed inside the Drama Machine to recover. I was stuck there. A year doesn’t always feel like a year, you know? It can feel like both an eternity and mere moments, sometimes at the same time.”

Noah nodded, waving his arm in a way that expressed ‘Continue’.

“At first, it was torture. I desperately waited for a rescue that would never come, begging to be let out to just be able to see daylight. Those first few days or even weeks were the worst experience of my life.” He shuddered as he recalled those memories.

“After a time, I started to get used to the void. In a way, it was comforting. There, I had no obligations, expectations or even a sense of self. I was finally at peace for the first time in my life.” Alejandro closed his eyes, sighing while shaking his head. “I’ve tried to cope after my release. Not just from the pain of failure, but the isolation from everyone. I am a pariah, both here and home. I have no one to turn to, nor would anyone try to reach out to me. So, I wanted to go back.”

Noah nodded slowly, now understanding the method inside the utter madness. “You..want to escape everything. You’ve wanted to run away, even back when we first met. That’s why you wanted to be a lion tamer as a kid, why you came all the way to Canada, why you want the money…”

“Ah, he pulls it all together.” Alejandro said, not really looking at Noah as he spoke.

Noah really had no plan, it was impossible to really think of anything to say and he really want good with dealing with other’s pain. He barely handled his own issues in a reasonable way. ‘Wait..’

“You know, I ran away too.”

Alejandro turned his head slightly, a single green eye peering at him.

“Are you surprised? I doubt it, almost everyone has pegged me down as an anti-social jerk who spits insults and stuffs his nose in a book all day. I say, ‘wouldn’t you if you were the youngest of 10 and bullied by your siblings?’.” Noah carefully watched Alejandro’s reactions. He seemed to put slightly more attention on the smaller teen, clearly interested.

“I think I have the opposite problem you have. In my family, I’m too smart, too popular and successful. I get perfect grades, I’m popular in school, I’m being scouted by several high-status colleges; I’d live a charmed existence if I wasn’t immediately bullied walking into my house. My brothers and sisters loathe me, hate that I’ve done well in school and I’m set to get out of my shitty low-class neighborhood. My parents are only as proud of the fact that they might be able to leech off my success in the future.” Noah rubbed his arm, feeling a little self-conscious about telling someone other then close friends his grievances. He hoped it didn’t sound like humble-bragging.

“Hm. Many have hated me for my good-looks and academic abilities, though I had no attachment or feeling towards them. It’s different when it’s people you live with.”

Noah made a noise of agreement. “Mm,I guess the point is that, while I’ve isolated myself away from my family and the people who hate me, I’ve instead decided to stand my ground and work on my own happiness. They don’t own me, nor will I let my darker feelings control me, because I know that my past triggered them. I’ll be happy without them and find people that will love me. I think you can do the same.”

Alejandro looked at Noah. “Me trying to run away from the world, you think it gives them what they want?”

Noah nodded. “At least partially. They succeeded in making you feel worthless.”

He closed his eyes, mulling things over in his head. “You..make a good point. It doesn’t really change things, my desires...but I..hm.”

Noah shrugged. “At least the idea is in your head. Hopefully you decide to live your own life and succeed on your own terms, a washout reality television star or not.”

Alejandro nodded. “The past should stay in the past.”

They stood there for a time, listening to the ocean splash against the dock. The clouds that covered the bright moon retreated enough to allow small slivers of moonlight to descend onto the dock in small ribbons. Noah felt himself shivering for the first time after being flung out of the water.

“Well, if we’re done with our emotional episode, and you don’t plan on jumping into the water again, we should head back. I’m fucking cold.”

Alejandro let out a genuine bark of deep laughter. “Ah, yes. Your skinny body doesn’t help you maintain your temperature.”

“...really asshole?” Noah said, looking incredulous.

Alejandro smirked. “Playful banter, cerebrito. Always so wise yet so oblivious, mi marsopa.”

Noah’s cheeks flushed and he huffed. “What-ever. Let’s just get back. And no more late night ocean swims, alright?” Noah finished looking, concern still flashing in his eyes.

Alejandro smiled gently before grasping Noah around the waist with one hand, pulling him into a side hug that squished the smaller teen against him.

“I think I can manage.”


End file.
